Michelle Branch on the Cover of Maxim

Michelle Branch, a folk-rock singer of some note, is appearing on the cover of Maxim next month. This has caused some consternation among her fans, who thought she’d be above using her (fetching) body to sell CDs. I guess they hadn’t seen this Cartier ad, where she’s using her face to sell watches and so forth. I’m reminded of some fine lyrics by the venerable Neil Young:

I ain’t singing for Pepsi
I ain’t singing for Coke
I ain’t singing for nobody
Makes me look like a joke

But selling out really isn’t my point. After all, everybody from Bob Dylan to Moby has sold out these days–it’s par for the course.

I’m more interested in Michelle Branch’s butt crack.

You see, on the (big, barely safe for work image ahead) Maxim cover, we see that Ms. Branch appears to have the shortest ass in the history of buttology. This is only noteworthy because if you look at (smaller, but no more or less safe for work) this photo, originally from the Maxim Web site (I think), she’s got a normal dimple at the top of her short shorts. You can only draw one conclusion:

They Photoshopped her butt crack out.

Butt why (hee, hee)? Are American magazine standards such that that (lovely) inch of canyon makes the cover too raunchy? Who sets and evaluates these standards (because I want on that sub-committee)?

Alternately, maybe the designers at Maxim thought she was more attractive without it? In a butt-centric culture like ours–Jennifer Lopex, ‘Baby Got Back’, ‘I like Big Butts’, etc–why say no that bit of crack?

I may be obsessing here, but it piqued my interest. Incidentally, for my money, Ms. Branch is a lousy lyricist and, judging by her first album, only appears to know six chords.

34 comments

  1. That is quite strange. I’ve seen that cover, but barely noticed her butt crack.

    More photoshopped ass- Have you seen the Telus pig? There’s one where the caption is talking about “Looking behind” and there’s a shot of the pig’s butt with the anus photoshopped out. It’s rather eery.

    Michelle Branch- I’ve got a sort of fascination with her because she’s one of the few popular Eurasian stars right now. Ms. Branch is part Indonesian.

  2. Wow, you can even see where it’s been painted out on the cover image. I looked at it and noticed the splotchy discoloration right off. Had you not mentioned her butt crack it might have taken me longer, but it sticks out. If they’re going to do it at least match the rest of her skin. Heck, maybe even hire some of the Farkers to do it, it’d be a much better job 🙂

  3. I saw that cover at the local grocer, and her short ass was the first thing I noticed. It was like, “singers should sing and leave the nudity to the tarts”.

    Now I know the rest of the story. Thank you Mr. Nightingale.

  4. well i’ll have to say that i bought a copy of that mag. and it was the best $5.00 that i have ever spent. butt crack or no butt crack, that is one fine looking butt. oh take a look at the picture inside the mag. the one where there are oposite views of her. that is nice.

  5. i’m still in disbelief when i saw those pics at first but afterwards her tattos prove:( you know what,i was like “OMG”…i haven’t read any interview about her view of this move.By the way,she critized on Jewel’s new image and Michelle sounded like she will never do it but now she did.

  6. To speak about Michelle Branch as my image or role model/idol is a ‘common’ for me but when I read about her Maxim mag appearance for January of 04 I was quite confounded and worried. I always thought of Michelle as a “sweet girl” but this laddie mag and the steamy shots of her wearing barely anything prompted me to envision her as a bit different-showing her sexier side. I just like to wonder, does the image of sex appeal play a significant role in winning music listeners or even marketing their music?? As a male, the photos I saw of Michelle Branch in that mag brought me to think that she had a much sexier side and it was dying to be released. At least she did not go that far, she cupped her breasts and she put on that racy look in her eyes. It was an eyecatcher on that page where there were two views of her topless. I don’t blame her. I guess she was “growing up”, and I do side with her quote “everyone thinks about it.” I’d just like Michelle to be herself and keep on with the music.

  7. im disappointed in her as a role model. whether she likes it or not, she inspires young girls and posing in this magazinie may cause young girls to think differently about her. is she turning into britney spears?!

  8. Michelle stay yourself dont become brittany spears….i think that you a great person even if i havent met you………

  9. you just got the right style. you are one in a million. i like everything about you and all that you do. i wish i could hear from you, you’ve made me love music and it is through you that i got to know i have a talent. thanks alot.

  10. Hi Michelle ! you are soooo CUTE…..your one of the Cutest girs ive ever seen, and u’ve got a awsome voice, keep it up!!!!! wish you all the best….may all ur dreams cum true,
    my email address(markj.4ever@gmail.com) Please email me Hope to hear from you soon,

    Lods of love
    Mark From srilanka

  11. I know I am biased as a huge fan and that this is old, but I stumbled upon this looking through Google…just want to say that I am 12 and Michelle has been my role model/idol since I was SEVEN and that Maxim didn’t change a thing for me. Michelle is still INCREDIBLY talented and I was lucky enough to meet her on October 21, 2006 along with Wreckers bandmate Jessica Harp and Meech was so incredibly sweet and was super super nice and friendly to me. And FYI her lyrics are deeper than you’ll ever know, and Michelle is the most gorgeous woman ever in my opinion. Get over it guys.
    Peace out

  12. Hey this is me agin I want to say that you are my idol if there’s somthing your on that i know i have it and all you cd’s to my favorite son you play is Good Bye to you thanks for playing on Buffy

  13. who cares if she’s on the cover of maxim? that doesn’t change the quality of her music. i luv her songs. they’ve inspired me past the limit that i wouldn’t even care if she went out nude.

  14. This doesn’t take away from the fact that Michelle is one of the most talented women in the music industry. She never needed to take off her clothes to to sell records. The Spirit Room sold 2 million copies and Hotel Paper went platinum. I guess she just wanted to express her sexual side, and there is nothing wrong with that, by the way, I’m trying to find a copy of this issue, can someone help me out, lol

  15. hi i think michelle branch is a wonderful singer and who cares if she posed she looks good and can sing her songs are amazing thanks for being on buffy is a great show like you love goodbye to you peace and keep following your dreams.

  16. (Surprised as I stumble upon this site that people are still replying long after the appearance. Well…) For those who may read this, I think something has gone awry with Michelle(as it does with so many talents). I too saw/see her as a remarkable talent(for those who agree)with striking good looks. Simply beautiful in image and sound. I cannot say she has gone too far but am concerned. I was not happy to see her disappear briefly and return in a duo which seems a bit country. I favor her song “All You Wanted.” I am also not happy with the comments in places like this that might make her regret her actions more than she ever would otherwise(similar to the recent case with young Vanessa Hudgens who did more for private reasons MADE public). Such events can ruin the spirit–perhaps in a time of confusion or duress. I just HOPE Michelle(and others like Gwen Steffani who feels she is running out of talent) don’t lose faith in their talents as soloists(even though Gwen did alright with her band). I came to know her as one, I hope to remember her as one of the greats.

  17. I agree with you ‘Hope. I think Michelle is such a beautiful and talented person. I’m happy that she’s found her soulmate and that she has a beautiful little girl in her life, but her talent is just too incredible to be ignored. I am very happy she is in the studio recording her third solo record, and I will be the first person in line to scoop a copy up.

    – Elijah
    Branchhead since 2001

  18. It’s funny 4 years later it’s ok to show Nicole Sherzingers(?)butt crack on the cover of blender magazine.

  19. wow what a slut she can do way better than that. if she wants to be sexy she should go the full way and go to playboy

  20. My god. The woman is not a slut! She is married, and has a child. She was 20 years old, an adult. It’s her choice. Her artistry and lyricism should be the main focus. She is a musician.

  21. naw, she’s no slut, but i even i was like 0.o wow, i didn’t know she was on the cover of Maxim. Oh well, it’s her life, and as long as she’s not hurting anyone, and herself, then fine. She’s an adult, let her make the decisions and let her and her family be the real judge at those actions.

  22. I think that she should not be nude in front of her fans that is just
    retarded
    and gay
    the person who wanted her
    to get “naked” or whatever you call it
    “nude”
    she shouldn’t be on that cover that is just wrong

  23. what a pity : we can’t see anything! move your hands, Michelle : i wanna see your boobs!

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