The Need for Religious Silence

Al at Tagline is a freak like me, and has high requirements of his fellow moviegoers. He explains why Spiderman 2 is particularly problematic:

A) It’s a popular, massive blockbuster, so all the usual suspects will be there, plus those reclusive cinema-goers stumbling around in wonder at these new-fangled-multiplexes they’ve wandered into, getting in my way – this will be the scenario in the later showings.

B) Children. Children and parents. I don’t mind either, but, as hard as you may stare at them they just don’t get the need for religious silence once the lights go down. All I want to hear is the sound of badly circulated air going in and out of my Olympian lungs – is that too much to ask?

I doubt he actually has Olympian lungs, but you get the idea. If I ever owned a movie theatre, I’d run ‘silent’ performances, where it was advertised that you couldn’t talk at all. If you did, you were shot. No, actually, if you did there’d be public embarassment. I’d have an usher up in the projection booth with a powerful flashlight, and he’d spotlight you when you talked.