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Abtastic

This device is my nemesis. I try to include crunches or sit-ups as part of my workout, and my apartment gym has one of these Ab Trainers (while searching for this thing–‘ab device’, ‘abs machine’, ‘ab torture fetish’–I happened upon this insightful cartoon).

Despite having read the posted instructions, and having practiced several times, I can never make this thing work. That is, as I rock back and forth in it like some kind of mental patient, I feel nothing. Experience has taught me that if I feel nothing while working out, nothing is happening. The same, I’ve learned, can be applied to sexual intercourse. I try to work harder, but I just feel foolish, and look like a crippled version of those dipping bird toys (which, as you’ll recall, gave Homer so much trouble in this episode). It seems like my shoulder and neck are doing all the work, and my abs are remaining as slack as, well, Homer’s.

So, does anyone have any advice on this whole Ab Trainer business? In the meantime, I’ve gone back to crunches with my legs up on a bench. After about 40, this starts to hurt, so that’s promising.

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Published by dbarefoot

Darren Barefoot is an author, speaker and digital strategist. He’s the co-founder of Capulet Communications, and co-author of “Friends With Benefits: A Social Media Marketing Handbook”.

5 comments

  1. advice? yeah -don’t do it. stay far far away from such machines. You will be much happier.

  2. Forget crunches and ab-normal equipment – try pilates – you don’t feel it when you do it, but boy does your stomach hurt for days afterwards – and it works.

  3. hanging leg raises. sit ups. incline situps with or without weight. If you can breath afterwords, you’re doing it wrong.

  4. hi. this is a bit late but here goes. there is a lot of information on the net and otherwise regarding abs, or should i say, rectus abdominus. most of it is absolute BS. seriously, people think crunches will get them their dream abs. this is not the case. yeah, crunches are a great springboard for your workouts, but you need to move onto different exercises which concentrate on your core. and if its abs your after, ill let you know that even exerciseing wont alone will not get you those abs. you have to lower your body fat percentage to such a low level that the layer of fat resisding around your stomach area vanishes, then, and only then, will you be able to see your abs.
    Best Regards,
    Uwais.

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