False Creek Geek: The Password Problem

This is my latest Yaletown View column, on passwords:

I remember a time when the only password I knew was from Arabian Knights. Then I turned twelve, got my first bank card, and started committing words and numbers to memory. Since then, thanks to email and the Internet, the number of passwords I regularly use has grown twenty-fold. Because I work on the Web, in a given day I easily enter ten or fifteen passwords.

Now, if you’re like me, most of those passwords are the same word, or minor variations there of. While not being very secure, this is only practical. Nobody could remember enough unique words or phrases for each of their passwords.

Ironically, it’s the legacy passwords–the ones I’ve had forever–that trip me up. I can generally log in to anything on the Internet. However, put me in front of a bank machine and ask me to recall the code I’ve used nearly every day for five years? Forget about it. My failure rate only increases if there’s a big line-up behind me.

Even more embarrassing are the ‘secret codes’ that my bank insists upon for my accounts and credit cards. These are words or phrases that I’ve given them in the past that they can use to confirm my identity when I contact them. However, when I call their customer service department, a strange negotiation ensues. I start guessing at the word, hoping to illicit a hint, and the customer service representative does their best not to laugh in my face. Eventually I just give up and switch banks.

If your IT department is particularly paranoid, you’re probably familiar with ‘strong’ passwords. These are nonsensical groups of letters and numbers that are more difficult for hackers (and their tools) to crack and way more difficult for you to remember. Online security is all very well, but try and remember fj34$^pp@. I devised my own strong passwords that combined keyboard patterns with the names of European hockey players. For example, I hold down Shift and press the numbers 1 through 5, then a player, then 6 through 10 and another player. So, you end up with !@#$%Koivu^&*()Rutuu. Not only is it easier to remember, but it looks like dialogue from a vulgar German comic book.

There’s no reprieve in sight for our password glut. Some Internet browsers remember your passwords, but all that does is give your brain permission to forget them. So, when you switch computers, you’re at an utter loss.

At the end of the day, I recommend choosing one password and, unless something is really important or valuable, sticking with it. After all, how many people really want to hack your old Hotmail account anyway?